To be Frank

I'd be Frank with you..
But that might be misconstrued as roleplay...
So I'll just be myself...

You & I

Know the difference between U & I...?
I'll tell you.... About 11 letters!!

Though, I suppose you can look at it another way....
Like:
If you write them it in Capitals...
There's about one and a quarter capital J's difference...

or like:
I is the only letter of the two, that you can flip over & it still mean the same...
I - I... see...

Phrase: Judge a Book by It's cover

For years... the phrase:
"Don't judge a book by its cover...
Because you could miss out on an interesting read..."
Has been used as a way to tell us all, not to negatively judge someone by first impressions..

But why don't we use it the opposite way too???

When I say:
"don't judge a book by its cover"
I'd mean:
"Just because theres a women in a bikini on the front page doesn't mean 98% of the pages wont be advertisments for men boxers!!!
Which basically means, youve not.purchased a mag full if Tits, but a mag full of men's junk!!"
Oh the irony...

Bad Tulisa

So, Tulisa has peeved the bosses at X Factor....
She went & put something in her gob again..
But this time, of all things she could stick in there... it was just a cigarette on set...

Strange:-
Fame: for Amateur Porn...
Frown: for Smoking...

Ironically, part of the reason she's on the show is because of her gob...
Buts its more about what comes out of it!!

Black Ops

After waiting for hours on end to get hold of Black Ops because everyone seemed to be going on about it...
I was thoroughly disappointed...
Most the characters are White & you do not get do be a Surgeon!!

Cheerleading

Did you know has Cheerleading has been found to be the sport with the most inquires...
To be fair, I'm not surprised...
There must be an aweful lot of injuries sustained from Wives hitting Husbands after they look for a little too long..

Phobias

hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
Irony is... It means:-
Fear of Long Words

Rappers Violence

What is it with these Rapper types & violence?
They're always going on about it...
You know: hitting this & that...
Seems they also fight dirty saying stuff like:
"Hit that, right on the floor..."

Hoes

http://craigthomastalks.tumblr.com/post/35400378388/hoes

Insanity

They say talking to yourself is a sign of insanity...
But I'd like to point something out:-
you know more about you, than anyone else should, so who better to talk to about stuff or problems than yourself..

Also, if you tell yourself your secrets, you can make sure you keep your own secrets to yourself...
Well.. maybe...

Plus, why have diaries been kept from this equasion?? Surely speaking to a diary by writing on it: "dear diary" is a little weird!?
Face it diary writers... Your diary doesn't give a crap!!
But other nosey people do!!!

Man walks into a bar...

So this guy walks upto the bar....

The barman asks:
"Why the sad face??"

The guy sighs & replies:
"My Wife just died..."

The barman offers his condolences for such an aweful loss.....

The guy sighs & says:
"I know.. its terrible... who's going to make my dinner now!!"

Baby Santa

Do you think when Santa was born, he came out with a full beard, red cheeks & a half eaten Mince Pie whilst pulling a sack full of presents from his cord!!

Irony of Jim will fix it

Jim will fix it..
More like:-
Jim will break it...
It being your hymen!!

Funny isn't it..
How irony works...
I mean, take Jimmy 'the paedo' Savill..
His show was called Jim will Fix it...
when actually what he seemed to do was Break a load of Hymens!!

I wonder if anyone actually wrote him a letter asking for him to fox it for them to loose their Hymen?...
Really, if he'd thought it through, he should have made each of his victims write him a letter asking him to touch them!!

When the bog roll breaks!!!

It's happens us all...
Your minding your own, cleaning up after a number 2, when horror rears its head...
The bog roll breaks & a finger or two slips through!!

Now, I'll tell you what guys do at this point.
Guys check said finger visually to assess which Defcon number to declare...
(for any women or non sci fi ppl, Defon is the US Militaries way of easily determining how serious a threat they are encountering, the table goes from 1 - 5... This arguably isn't enough number to clearly assess a threat, but its possible the general US army population are brainless enough to warrant such a simple table)...

Anyway, once a guys done a quick visual check.. His brain decides that isn't quite enough & calls for a more intimate encounter...
This being a smell test...
The first whiff positively concluded the Brown substance is poo..
However a guys brain is so overcome, it has a fit & requests a second smell test...
Which reveals in fact.... It's still poo..

Now for ladies, its a bit different..
I'll tell you what happens...
Nothing happens..
Because women dont poo!!
Fact is, when they go into the toilet its for 3 reasons only..
Make-Up
Girly chats
and
To clean

BNP

Recently I discovered the majority of people who are part of the BNP have a tendancy to be Caucasian, enjoy wearing Camouflage (unsure whether that's because they like to hide in bushes or their too imbreed to understand, it doesn't mean we can't see you!!)..
Oh yeah, and mostly racist...

Maybe the BNP are misunderstood??
I mean ~ they believe foreigners should go home & stay there..
Which is a strangely obvious expectation..
I'm unsure where anyone should generally go after a day of work!?
Tescos?
I certainly wouldnt expect a political party to tell foreigners to go to the pub!! What sort of example would that be setting!
No... I agree.. Go home..
Look after your family..
Do some DIY...
Send some money overseas..

An odd similarity is the BNP families also tend to be made up of relatively large...
Although they are generally working class, or more often, something I like to call:-
non working class..
They also seem to squeeze into one house, having as many as 3 decades under one roof....
Funny, that's seems amazingling like the sort of household you might akin to a Pakistani family?!
Think the BNP lot are confused!?

Although the BNP familis share the job seekers & disability allowance for Cider, fags &... Cider...
Whereas:-
A Pakistani familiy use their brain, having some successful at work & others successful at getting allowances!!

Big Brother

Why watch people sleeping!?
If I wanted to watch random people sleep, I'd do a bit of B&E...
At least you get to take some memorabilia with you... ;-)

Trick or Retreat

See many trick or treaters lastnight?!
No...
Neither did we..
Apparently the weather was too bad..
Ahh, boo hoo...
Kids these days.. pusseys!!
No commitment...